xipher's Blog

Pieces fall off,
As the years pass by.
Bruises fade,
As time continues.
Scars reopen and close,
When I think of you.

I must have cut myself too deep
I can feel these scars as they still weep
You never let my heart control our fate
I had to realize these red rivers just to control my state.
I can still feel your skin soothing my nightmares
In the end only exhaling the flares.

Love is but a dream away from a nightmare
You sleep until it releases you
Returning you to under night’s stare.
Your worse off for believing something could rescue you
But life is just a series of cuts and grazes
Until you’ve finally had enough and drive the blade yourself.

I'm just a thread in your life
I can be pulled away any time
Left to die another day

Well you say those three words
They don't mean anything anymore

You
Use me
Hurt me
Love me
Hate me

Do I
Use you
Hurt you
Love you
Hate you

Tell me
Because I'm not here
For your entertainment

I am very sensitive, yet strong spirited. But, words really can cut me deeper than actions. And I tend to remember them more than anything else..

I need to let this out!! Confusions wraps me!! Negative thoughts suffocates me!! Why am i affected again? It's because I'm being bothered with this something, i can feel my head is starting to break everytime i think of it..I feel like i'm being squeezed again..why i couldn't find those answers?? no matter how i try to dig...i couldn't find it...

You're all around me...

You're the only one who can answer it... 

Sometimes, it feels like only when people need me, they see me. Other times, I'm invisible to them. I sometimes wonder if I'm just being used to fulfill whatever they want. It's getting harder to control myself and not to shout out "I'M HERE! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE ME?!"

But that's okay. I'll live.

Gotta throw the past aside,
Come what may,
I'm gonna open up my eyes,
To all my broken feelings,
Its the only road I've known,
I just wanna say to you..

Maybe I wont feel the pain,
When you leave me one day,
Maybe it wont be too late,
When you need me someday,
Someone take me away from the one who betrays,
Things wont ever be the same,
I'm starting over..

It still blows me away somehow when you seem so proud of the damage that you've done..I'm a game you played for fun..and there's nothing left to say and we all pay the prices..you will never gonna change..i'm still trapped in your painful memories.

I care too much about her even tho' I've never met her, and I'm afraid I'll scare her away.
I just can't understand why she likes me so much, but I love it and I don't want to F*ck it up!

I am hopelessly in love with someone who is way out of my league. I know it will never happen, and I wish my heart accepted that.

I need to blog this out. Suddenly, I was struck with this intense feeling. I suddenly got lonely! I wanna burst into tears!

Nag reminisce lang man gud ko. I suddenly have several happy flashbacks. I said happy, because the memories that came into my mind are really fun moments. What's saddening about this is that the characters are no longer present at this point of time. Or I should say, they are gone like forever!

Sometimes I see them, But they looked like transparent jellies. I wanna touch them, but they are stained by gruesome history.

I've never gotten over..really! Or maybe, nagtukar lang jud akong anxiety.

Am i supposed to be happy??? Am I supposed to exist? or Am I supposed to experience this?

I wanna be happy, but it just wont happen. Kill Me..

-johann-

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you, I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight...:)

-Johann- A.K.A "Suy-Suy"

Ungaaah...  This feeling... Is Killing Me
 

Anyway, have you ever encountered a time wherein, almost everyday, you miss the people who are very close to you? you miss the routines you've been doing everyday? Well, if you ask me, I'm actually experiencing it right now.

I feel very nostalgic right now. I'm currently cleaning my computer of unnecessary files and at the same time, listening to the song Handbags and Glad rags by Stereo phonics. Then, as I search through some old images, I suddenly stumbled upon some of my oldest pictures with the people I really miss, or should I say, People I've Lost!

It's so hard for me to forget... forget about the past, forget about the memories. It won't die! It continues to haunt me! Everyday!

I wanna get out of this suffocating bubble! However, I just can't get out of it. Or should I say, I can't just let it go... that easily...

2 months and counting... Everything seems to be okay for me. Life goes on as usual. I can't please everybody. I can't force them to like me again. To forgive me for the wrong things that I've done that caused them to dislike me...

Why I am so affected? It's because I leave no one... Even If I am the one who is left behind. I promised not to leave. And I'm going to stick to my promise...

I am everybody's MARTYR....

This might be the saddest day of my life. Ang bigat talaga ng dala dala ko. Mas mabigat pa sa mundo.Problems chase me. Hatred wraps me. Confusion drives me crazy. Something is missing. What's that something? Uuungh. I want to wake up! Wake up from this slumber! I want to escape from this dark abyss. I want to find a place. A place that I belong, not a place where my soul is tortured by demonic spirits. Right now, I feel like I'm in a place... a place with a very broad horizon. As I look around, I realized that I'm all alone. It's so emtpy. I also feel hopeless. I can feel my regrets. I've made a mistake. A mistake that can be avoided. I should have followed my feelings. And now, I'm paying for the wrong choice. Maybe, All I have to do is resume where i left off. Enough of this bullshit. My brain cells are aching. My neurons are angry and my endoplasmic reticulim.... wala lang. endoplasmic reticuum lang. haha. i apply ang bio 11. lol. i'm not happy. i'm just fooling myself that i am.

bye world. see you.

ARIES-swerte ka karong adlawa kay daghan kag positive energy nga masugakud...daghan ang mudayeg nimo kay maanyag ka! Busa, gawas ug erampa imong kaanyag. Apan ayaw kalimtig pasalamat ang tanang ni dayeg nimo para dili malason ang imong adlaw.Librehi sila ug snacks, kung wala kay dada, sorry nalang! malasun jud ka.Busa ayaw ug pag duhaduha pang libre na!

TAURUS-Oily na kaau imong dagway, nag pasidaan kanag negatibong enerhiya. ayaw na ug pag langan pag retach na! shudi catching ug pulbos sa uban ky malas na xa, kung wala ky pulbos palit sa tindahan, ayaw kalimot sa samin mga dli mangabang imong dagway.

GEMINI-Naa ky ma ila-ilang bag-ong higala, take note! Pang hollywood iyang beauty. ayaw ug pag minaldita para dli mka dawat ug negatibong enerhiya. kung naay makig ila-ila higala-a jud dayun. kung librehon ka niya ug lafang ayaw ug balibad hilabi na gyud kung binignit inyong kan-on ky swerte kana teh!

CANCER-Maka daot sa imong adlaw ang mkakita ug ngil-ad na butang. mas maayong likayi una ang pag-atubang sa samin para dli ka malason.

LEO-Ma ngatol ang imong pad karong adlawa. apan ayaw ug pag sadya ky dli salapi ang pasabot ni ana kundi kurikong busa kung nangatol na ug sugod pa check up na sa doctor para malikayan na ang kurikong sa kamot.

VIRGO-dili ka bation ug kagutom karong adlawa ky daghan ang mo invite ug lafang nimo hilabi na gyud ang imong mga friendship2. gwapa ka ug sexy ka pah! daghan na insecure nimo so ayaw pag manicure para dili sila ma insecure and to avoid negative energy.

LIBRA-Manghatag ug kalit na exam imong teacher karon, pero ayaw ug kabalaka ky naa pakay dakong oras sa pag andam sa imong kodigs.... so what are u waiting for?? pag mugna na ug kodigs but malas na xa kung masakpan ka! so para xure pag study nlng....

SCORPIO-Naay hugaw na mahitabo nmo today! pag bantay2 ky kung mag dinanghag ka mka tunod ka ug e-atch. pag bantay jud ha! ky ma meet baya nimo imong crush today, ikaw sad ma discourage jud sya if mkakita nya nga naay e-atch imo shoes, congratz nlng jud daan!

SAGITTARIUS-Ayaw pag sakay ug taxi ky naay posibilidad na mahabilin imong cellphone. so pag jeep nalang para xure ug ayaw pag baklay ky mo dako imong bagtak ug matulis paka...lisud na teh! pagsakay nalang ug 12D!

CAPRICORN-Hagdun ka ug date sa imong bayu ug iya kang dad-on sa first class na restaurant then after eating you will watch a movie. apan ikaw ang maka bayad sa tanan expenses ky mahabilin ang wallet sa imong bayu, then the problem is..wla ky dada ky erbop ka...so..para dli ikaw ang mka bayad e remind daan imong bayu sa iyang wallet before mo manlakaw para dli niya mkalimtan.

AQUARIUS-Librehon ka ug lafang sa imong friendship sa foodcourt ky nka dawat xa ug dakong dada gikang sa iyang afam nga na meet nya through chatting sa YM. pero dli mag pasagad ug lafang para dli bangladeshon (ask sa mga yoyot about bangladesh) meaning fang lang ug light shudi mag heavy ky abusar naman sad na...basig ma feel sad sa imong frndshp nga nag abusar ka! if light lng librehon kpa nya next tym!

PISCES-Malipong ka sa sulod sa elevator dli ky tungod wla ka ma anad, it's bcoz mkasakay nmo sa sulod sa elevator ang taong nga dala....naga dag powerful kilikili power! mao na xa ang cause sa imong kalipong...busa pag bantay2 kung mu sakay sa elevator para dli ka malipong k! but pwde sad pgdala ug panangga, i mean panyo or if mka utong ka ug taas2x mas maau! pero para xure pag stairs nlang!

Cast thy spell of the unknown..you are an

Astonishing crystal in my eyes, a

Continous dawn of each day break,

A frigid contentment and overwhelm...

You are my satisfaction and the heaven of my realm...

-xipher-

J-ustice for those who were abused, an

O-verwhelming power that i endure...

H-ate and chaos is thy passion...

A wounded knight who fought for the weaklings, a

N-ever ending distress for those who sinned..a

N-ight flooded by blood and hate...

-xipher-

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

TRY your name. "click the link below"

http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/

...when light turns dark...

...you really long for this don't you...

...you made your own funeral...

I can't seem to believe that you ever
cared for me.....
Goodbye helps me to sleep without your
memories and my shattered dreams
collect dust on what used to be a lie
It haunts me no more and now you're
gone,you've left me alone I wasn't
wrong to feel this way inside so
goodbye,goodnight,for good...

My thirsty hands ask nothing but death, to shower upon the sheep of heaven!! their pride shall bow to my arrogance!! As i bless them with nothing but dust!!  Her eyes are soft but cold as her tears...My glory reigns...as i freeze her in pain..

Set fire for the children.worthless lambs!! burn there innocence and happy smiles!! I love the sight of them..my heart rejoices for their eternal suffering... war and bloodshed is my masterpiece!!  I live to oppress!! I existed to DESTROY!!

The structure of my love is GONE....

I have the key....i can destroy them anytime i want....as long as i live....